i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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