brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
