he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
