office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
