ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
