she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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