I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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