Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
