omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
