My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
