my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
