I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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