You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Randomize
