capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
