The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
