if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
