we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
