The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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