I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
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