But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
