She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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