When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
