i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
