So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
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I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
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my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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