nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
