We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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