The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
