He had one of those small greek statue penises
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
