The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
