if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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