We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
