She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
