just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
