Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
