I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I checked into jail on foursquare
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
