Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Randomize