I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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