i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
there is glitter all over my balls
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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