I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
