You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
