you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
