Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
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He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
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No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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