it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
