The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
