I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
