you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
