he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I cut my penus on the lid.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
That accounts for only three of the penises
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
