Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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