fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
