I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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