U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
