uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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