if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
