I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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