ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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