I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
