then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
