I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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