he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I need to align my fucking chakras
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
