Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Houston, we have a blender
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
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