My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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