and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
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I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
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The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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