Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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