When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
