I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
