I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
