I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
