OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
