It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Your penis caused this!
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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