I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
