plz talk dirty to me
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
she peed on how many people?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
