I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
