you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
