he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
