wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
