Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
