Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
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He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I want to fling myself into the sun
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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