I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize