So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
