Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
do herpes really smell.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
