it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
