Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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