drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
