the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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