I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
People in love make me want to vomit
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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