We got so high we made milksteak
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
