I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
