I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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