That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
